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I watched a programme on BBC4 this evening about the ‘big bang’ experiment soon to take place at CERN - the largest atomic laboratory in the world and something that has taken decades of preparation. They are recreating the big bang in 6 days time on 10th September.

How do you build a “Big Bang Machine”? That was the challenge which scientists at Cern began to ponder in the early 1980s, when the idea for the Large Hadron Collider was born.

Cern’s governing council wanted to build a kind of time machine that could open a window to how the Universe appeared in the first microseconds of its existence.

(Click the pic to see it fullsize)

They are in search of the ‘God particle’ otherwise known as Higgs-Boson.

Morally I’m not sure how I stand. I’m also not sure if it’s safe (they say that theoretically it is) but surely one big bang was enough.

An interesting read on the BBC I thought.

In stark contrast to last night’s optimistic precursor - I found today’s interview a real let-down. This was not helped that I was made to wait 20 minutes (I’d got there 5 minutes early). So I was seen 15 minutes after my actual interview time which is shoddy when I’m on a lunch break and have travelled from the City to the West End and obviously have to get back.

The woman was singularly unimpressive and totally pedestrian - think ‘KwikSave supervisor’. The people I had met last week were impressive and I’d actually enjoyed the meeting and had come out enthused. The time I spent with this woman was, on the other hand, totally uninspiring.

Having done 7.5 years in the industry working for two of the top players (in Mayfair and St James’) the writing should have been on the wall that anything east of Tottenham Court Road (which is where they’re located) was going to be distinctly second rate. And it was.

I don’t know if she’d over-dosed on neuro-linguistic-programming but this woman would not look away from me throughout the interview; like she was scrutinizing really hard and trying to suss me out. I know that holding someone’s gaze is important and all the rest of it. I know that often I look away, even with friends, but I found it distinctly off-putting. It’s not uncommon knowledge that my last company had some really tough years but when she said “ohh, you worked there. Is it still on its knees?” my only response was “I beg your pardon??”. She then came out with some bilge about “oh come on, it’s well known in the industry that…. blah blah blah”. Her outfit had never and will never be a competitor to where I worked before. I had a female CEO in my last place who absolutely exuded power, glamour, style and authority (those with long memories will remember I posted about her once on my last blog using a picture of Crystal Carrington from Dynasty - which is what she looked like; not least because she was American).

Thus, I knew from very early on that I had lost all interest in the job as its evidently second-tier status (I’d not heard of it before anyway, which really says it all) would never meet my aspirations. They’re a niche player and they’re not a bad outfit; but not for me.

The absolute icing on the cake came towards the end of the interview (we were very much still in interview mode, i.e. it hadn’t finished, and she was making notes) and she shot out from left-field “do you live in London?” Fine - thought I. “Yes” I said. “Which bit?” she asked. I told her. “Do you rent or own?” she said. Excuse me???? I felt like saying!!! I actually said “I.. own, and have done for 6 years”.

Then… and this really, really is the kicker… she came out with “And are you married…?”. I hesitated, totally gob smacked. “A partner then?”. I was by now incredulous. “No” I stammered, “I’m single”. “Hrmphh”. The nosey cow retorted. The singular irony of her asking me these questions is, well, just that. Someone in her line of professional services asking such inappropriate questions left me totally gob smacked.

Imagine if I’d said “No I’m not married, not straight either, in fact I’m as queer as a three dollar bill!!!” and were then to be told by them a week later I hadn’t got the job. Guess what I might do? I might have sued. And I’d have been within my rights to. The silly bint is evidently so unprofessional there is not a cat’s chance in hell I would work for someone like that. Honestly.

So the whole thing left a mildly bitter taste in my mouth though I’m extremely relieved I now know it’s totally inappropriate. I came back to my current place and was actually relieved to see how corporate it all is - from the building through to the people - on re-entering. Yes, I do want another job. But I have standards to maintain and I sure as bloody hell won’t be dropping them.

I don’t actually believe in banning marriage. In fact, I really like weddings.

This song, however, is from my favourite Indie Canadian folksy gay rock band, The Hidden Cameras. The track is called ‘Ban Marriage’ and I love this tune.

Second interview tomorrow. With the firm I met last week. I liked them. Their office is a double fronted Victorian town house in Bloomsbury. You know, the kind that has a blue plaque on it. So, so, so far removed from where I work at the moment. They were nice, genuine, decent people. They asked me back this week to meet their CEO. I meet her tomorrow; at lunchtime.

They’ve finally sent me the job spec also. It’s more senior than my current and prior role. It’s a Head of XXXXX role which is a step up for me. It’s in the industry I worked in prior to my current role (which I was in for 7.5 years). It has line management responsibility. I daren’t allow myself to get too excited in case I flunk it and it doesn’t go anywhere. I have to be more strategic this time; much more.

I’ve always believed in fate and the opportunity of this role came through a very tenuous connection (friend of a friend).

Nothing may come of tomorrow. Then again - it just might. It may just be my salvation. Will keep you posted. It’s at lunchtime.

These are my books at bedtime:

I’ve almost finished Dirty Havana Trilogy which is crude, gritty and very readable. A real insight into Havana and its people. Made up of short chapters and strongly autobiographical. Note this is actually my daytime ‘commute’ book and I don’t read it at night, generally.

Am really into the Romans having been to the British Museum last weekend; I bought the book to accompany the major Hadrian exhibition currently on. It’s very readable and I’m finding it - and him - fascinating.

Icons of Photography a colleague at my last place bought me for my birthday. Each double page focuses on a famous photographer and a main photo from their repertoire that embodies them. It’s great for bed-time as you can read as little or as much as you want without getting stuck in a long chapter.

Photo magazines can usually be found by my bed. Again, perfect for 10-15 mins of reading before I put the light off.

A History of Modern Britain I really enjoyed, but… I haven’t got round to finishing it and it must be pushing 1 year that it’s been by the bed now. The chapters are long and though I’m genuinely interested, stuff like that can be a struggle at night. I may take it to Egypt to read by the pool/sea. Probably ideal for that.

Dirty Havana Trilogy will soon be finished so I’ll need some more reading material. Recommendations?

Remember how in Streetcar, Stella and Stanley lived in a somewhat urban and gritty but characterful part of New Orleans? That’s what my place is like. I bought it six years ago next month. My salary has significantly increased in that time, and thus my buying power - but for one reason or another I’ve never quite managed to sort myself out with upgrading to my next place. I’ve now been here longer than any of my friends have been in their respective homes. It’s a small, bijoux, 2 bedroom flat in a period building. It is nothing special, and I certainly long for and dream of more space - even though I’m the only person living here.

I compare my apartment building to the one on Elysian Fields Avenue in Streetcar. It can be noisy, a real mix of people, the lustful, the young, students, immigrants, etc. We’ve never had any real trouble. The postcode we’re in is far too sedate for that, but I live on the very edge of what is a smart (and quite large) neighbourhood. But it’s the very edge, i.e. 1 street away the post-code changes and so does the neighbourhood. I also regularly compare my building to Barbary Lane (you do of course get the Tales of the City reference, I would hope). Especially when ‘O’ lived with me, back in 03/04. The building and residents were far more bohemian then. I don’t know what changed, but it has.

I have new neighbours upstairs and I think they’re students and they made a boatload of noise last night, playing console games. It’s summer. Their windows are open. My bedroom is directly underneath. Noise travels, etc. Funnily enough someone from the building management knocked on my door on something entirely unrelated this morning so I complained to him and he’s going to follow up. I’m not a spoilsport, but at 1.45am I wish to be ASLEEP, not kept awake by students. London is like that though, as is any big city. Noise is always an issue regardless of where you live.

And I have new neighbours on the other side of me who I might call Stella and Stanley. I’ve met the guy once before; young, possibly a student, nice enough. Their bedroom backs on to mine; I shall say no more on the subject. This building seems to attract students, first-time buyers and some immigrants. I consider myself too old and too ring-fenced by my middle-class upbringing to overly enjoy such a mixing pot these days. There are very few people ‘like me’ in the building (30 something young professionals, clichéd as it sounds - but let’s at least call a spade a spade). ‘A’ used to live in a yuppy apartment building close to the City and that was more my scene. He now lives in a 3 storey town house up the road from me (and has just finally finished sorting the spare room out; it’s a 3.5 bed house, not bad for London for someone in their early 30s!!!!!!). So of course I’m always welcome there - and indeed spend a lot of time there. He has a garden which is obviously a huge boon, too. But even so. An Englishman’s home is his castle.

It’s not all bad. In a city this big it could be much worse. It’s just…  an annoyance. And after six years here I’m so ready to move. But as anyone who lives in the UK will tell you - the housing market has recently collapsed in this country so my moving ain’t happening any time soon.

I had a very good interview today, at lunchtime, in Bloomsbury, with a company that’s in the industry I worked in for the past 8 years. It’s a niche boutique. Really nice people, I enjoyed meeting them and also the interview. I know I came across well. I can’t not know my stuff after spending so long in the industry so it was a doddle interview-wise. I had set my sights on working for a global blue-chip; this wouldn’t be it. But the company seems genuinely really decent and friendly and I’d have 3 direct reports which is the one missing piece of the jigsaw that is my CV. They’re also expanding into the Middle East and Europe.

No sooner had I returned to my own office (from my ‘2 hour lunch break’) than I received a call from them saying they wanted me to come back next week to meet their CEO. A good sign.

Not much news on other fronts. Had a couple of knock-backs from jobs I’d applied to online, but I hadn’t set much store by those. Have a lot of other irons in the fire at the moment. Which is good.

Not much else new. Diet is going OK. Scales say I’m 11st 9 lbs (163 lbs for those of you in NA) which is several lbs less than I thought I would be so I’m slightly miffed by that. The spare tyre hints at closer to 12 stone (168 lbs) but the scales say otherwise. Tonight I had a corn on the cob then a handful of sultanas. I am drinking Guinness (hmm, what about the no beer rule) but calorie intake (food-wise) is definitely way down overall, so hopefully that will pay off.

Work was OK. I’m so used to being condescended to by the partners now, that nothing much phases me. I’ll have the last laugh when I resign.

PS He whose name will not be mentioned on this blog has been calling me; I simply press ‘reject’ on the phone because, as mentioned on other blog entries, I never wish to speak to him again, regardless of how petty that sounds. I don’t reply to his texts, his emails go unanswered and his phone calls are all rejected. I hope he gets the message and f**ks off. I won’t ever be taken for granted again and there’s no going back on that this time. C’est fini. I’ve been avoiding him for two months so I’m sure he’ll get the hint very soon if he hasn’t already. Yes, mutual friends are caught in the crossfire, but if that’s the price I have to pay - so be it.

Today is day 2 of dieting. So far so good, though it’s a pain and I’d rather scoff my face as I do love food. But I can be strict with myself when I want to me. My diet is what I would call ‘monastic’ - the  minimum I need to eat to get by - very constrained - and keeping most hunger pangs at bay. My main rules are, Monday to Friday:

• no cakes, crisps, beer, peanuts, junk food
• no fish and chips on Friday
• no carbohydrates in the evening
• no more toast in the morning (either porridge or cereal instead)

I allow myself to eat normally (i.e. non diet) at weekends. If I don’t, I’d get unhappy.

Today consisted of:

0740 bowl of fruit & fibre

1230 the healthy food option at work - a tofu/vegetable broth thing, followed my small pot of fruit salad

2100 a salad consisting of 1x beef tomato chopped, 1x reduced fat whole mozzarella, 1x spring onion, 3x very small cornichons, 2x small pickled onions, 1x helping of balsamic salad dressing - followed by a handful of sultanas.

And I went to the gym today, so my net calorie intake today (i.e. minus the 400 or so at the gym) is less than 1000. Rest assured I won’t waste away any time soon as I have a spare tyre. Am munching on more sultanas now and then going to bed. Have drunk several pints of water this evening.

Oh, forgot to add, I bought a new electronic pair of scales (WeightWatchers) for £15 from Robert Dyas today. Couldn’t carry them home as have my gym kit, though. So will have my first weigh in tomorrow. I need to lose 4-5 lbs before the holiday and I have 3.5 weeks to do so.